Been a few weeks since I did these. I’ve been in kind of a depressed stupor recently. The only way to get out of these pits I fall into emotionally is to act, or to do the things I need to do to make me happy. However, though this might be the cure for my depression, this is also a contradiction because my disease actually prevents me from sometimes even getting up in the morning. If you have ever dealt with a depressed individual, then you’ve encountered this scenario where the suffering normally knows what is wrong with them, but ironically cannot help themselves at all. They have knowledge of their problem, but do not act on a solution. For me, I haven’t really written anything new for two weeks, coincidentally I’ve been really depressed.
The truth is, I’ve been working on this giant nonfiction project about where my monsters come from, and how my depression has formed me, and this examination has been emotionally difficult for me. It has been much more daunting than I realized it would be from a psychological standpoint. It continues to drudge up sad details and situations I’ve been through, which have been both my fault and the treachery of others. I’m finding out more and more where my devils have come from, and what mad scientist forged them in the cluttered laboratories of my soul. I did not anticipate this struggle whatsoever, since I’ve shared so many personal things via this blog, and it has never been easy being honest about depression, suicide, compulsive behavior, broken relationships, or dead pets. I’ve always admired writers who put themselves out there emotionally, who adventure in the uncensored wasteland of bad memories and hidden truths.
It is not as easy as it looks.
I’m working through it. I hope to be done soon. I’m using a ton of the material from this blog, which has been really convenient. Writing my nonfiction on here was the first obstacle to hop over. It was the Balrog of writing exercises, now I’m onto Vega, and I’m already dreading Sagat.
Normally, when I write my Monday Musings, I make a numbered list about my thoughts for the week. I think I might change the format for a little while to a more organic string of paragraphs. I need all the help I can get moving the language out of my brain. Sometimes, it feels like I don’t have a tongue.
I’m really looking forward to fall being here in Minnesota. This summer has been thick with water. I feel like we’re trapped in some sort of science experiment you pick up from the museum gift shop. The heat and dampness has stimulated the natural world like the Drum did in the Greenland Diaries. Unchecked greenery, like the world was owned by the Chia Pet company. The insects take over the empty air the moment the rain ends, and the hum of their wings is like an omnipresent engine from some science fiction novel.
With fall coming on my convention circuit begins again. This trial by vendor table includes: Crypticon, 13 Gears, Marscon, Minicon, Convergence, Arcana, Whiz Bang Days, and others. I won’t be releasing a new Greenland Diaries novel this year, but I will be releasing one in Fall 2017. I will be launching a Kickstarter for it next summer, but until then just imagine what monsters I’ll be making in Days 141 – 200. There are some good ones.
There are two fiction projects I’m really excited for this fall. One, my apocalyptic horror tale the Greenland Diaries will be turned into a Podcast in September. Two, I’ll be releasing my very popular serialized story DOL 39 on Kindle in October. I’ll be releasing a new DOL 39 novel every few months. They’ll be broken down into Reactions. I’m very excited to this get out there, and the story is being designed specifically for the Kindle and those of us who read a substantial amount on our phones.
Thank you everyone who continue to support me and my frequent battles with depression. I’m sorry to vanish from this blog for a certain amount of time, and then return, but I’m hopeful every single day I’ll be able to get my depression under control. Besides all my fiction, my giant nonfiction project, I still have plenty of material for this blog. It will never go away. Thank you again everyone. There will be a new piece of nonfiction this Wednesday and a new piece of Flash Fiction on Friday. Enjoy!