I’m attempting to write my post on my tablet. My computer, a desktop from the early 2000’s with the bold and beautiful Crayola colors of Windows XP, has finally been crushed under the weight of a thousand updates, like an iron gate beneath the bare feet of wild barbarians. At times it works fine, but then, literally out of nowhere like that train scene in Inception, the Virtual Memory will lag, and I’ll spend an hour clicking between two tabs in frustrated swipes. Now, I’ve moved onto the tablet and it’s kinda like writing on a big iPhone. The clicks of the keyboard always sounded like some sort of square harmony trickling off a rain-happy roof. Without that storm, I’m wandering in some new technological and silent wasteland where the letters are silent beneath the oil of my thumbs.
1. Christmas is over. The pumpkin spice and mint flavor will be drained out of the coffee like some alien experiment in a lost airplane hangar. Target employees, on the brink of severe PTSD and depression, will be disassembling shelves and displays like gnomes living in your walls. A vacuum of cardboard will sweep through the neighborhood to be crunched in the jaws of withered garbage trucks. They’ll be grating between the houses at 7 am tomorrow. The sound of their metal-innards howling on the December cold make me think devils have woken in the deep. We’re at that point in the winter where the frost doesn’t glow beneath a holiday light.
2. Dart guns are so advanced now. We’d always get the drug store variations growing up. You’d have to load the gun from the front. It wasn’t one of these new darts with the Styrofoam core and plastic tip. They were made out of this crude bright pink plastic with a giant suction cup, like a satellite dish was attached to it. You’d load your dart gun. You’d have to keep it level, or else the dart would fall out while hunting your prey. Now, thanks to Nerf guns and their futuristic plastic moldings, you’re practically guaranteed to shoot someone. Whenever I hold one, all I can think about is a pulse rifle from Aliens. They hurt too. Whenever I play with them, and the air is peppered by their bright yellow missiles, I think: “God, I really hope I don’t get hit in the eye.” Dart guns could cause adult problems.
3. Not a whole lot of pop culture musings this week. Been spending time with family and paying attention to human beings and such. Now that Star Wars is gone, what do I look forward to? I feel empty and alone, from a media standpoint. Star Wars was like eating Thanksgiving dinner before Thanksgiving. I’m full. What do I do? If you’ve watched the movie, then it’s even worse with cliffhangers and such.
4. You know what’s hard, understanding that the world is a lot like House of Cards on Netflix. The majority of people want to do nice things for others without any reward, but someone along the way has taken advantage of their kindness. You clam up after it happens. You become like a gear castle. You move and walk, but you don’t open, not even when an emperor is kneeling outside those sprocket doors. It’s because being nice hurts in a hyper-capitalistic environment where worth is based on material goods and not on morals. There are a million Frank Underwood’s out there looking to take advantage of you. A literal army of Kevin Spacey’s looking to outmaneuver your maneuver while maneuvering. Beware the Underwood.
5. Depression is skyrocketing this last week. Been a struggle everyday. Everything hurts a little bit more. It’s like when you have a fever and your skin becomes super sensitive. Even pillows and blankets hurt when you’re on top or below them. Only it’s not physical, but emotional pain swinging back back and forth. Sometimes when I open up my chest and mind, I see a pendulum bending by, like the type you’d find in an antique cloak in some haunted mansion. I speak to it. I sing to it. I want it to stay still. I want it to stop moving. Be still my pendulum.